Chapter 9: Not a Word
I was bothered by Sander’s words as soon as we headed back home. Even though days had already passed, I could still feel chills down my spine. I didn’t get a chance to ask him about it and what the man really looked like.
But if what Sander proclaimed that the man looked like my son, could it be… him? He was here?
That was impossible for sure. This rural town was far away from where I lived before. It was impossible that he would be able to find me since I never used my maiden surname or his surname.
I only used my own name since as a peasant, they don’t have any surname. I knew that I was safe because having a name, Seraphina, was a very common name here in the Sowinski Kingdom.
But… if Desmond managed to find me, then I must do what it took to hide my son away from him. There was no way that he had a chance to see our son.
Never.
After he hurt me… After he made me a fool from our marriage…
Did he really think that he deserved to know about our son?
Absconding from his pack… I wasn’t really expecting that I would get pregnant with my pup. What I heard from Desmond himself, I was infertile which was why he was making an agreement with Hazel to be a surrogate mother for our pup.
That was why I was really surprised when I found out that I was pregnant. I was still wondering how it happened but I was really thankful that the Moon Goddess had bestowed me a pup even if it was impossible now.
I caressed my son’s golden locks which he inherited from me. The rest of his facial features came from Desmond. As he grew up, he would be looked like his father.
“You really look like your father, little man,” I said softly, feeling sorrow that I even had to see Desmond’s face towards Sander.
Sander groaned softly and hugged me. I gently smiled and kept him beside me before I kissed his forehead. I must decide now on going to a new flat.
Once I had my day off, I would let Sander come with me.
“We finish it!” Niscia and I said in unison as we both intertwined our hands together and jumped in joy.
We were joyful because, after a restless week, we finished Lady Helga’s cicada gown. What it seemed to rejoice right now as we finished it before the deadline which was three days before that day.
“We need to tell this to Madam Ibanez first,” Niscia said after we both celebrated.
“Yes.” I nodded, silently praying that we would have the approval coming from Madam Ibanez.
Later that day, Niscia and I were finally free from this heavy work as soon as Madam Ibanez said that she approved it. We packed it in a box so that when Lady Helga would arrive on that day, we could have her try it.
It was already six in the evening when I went home since we didn’t have much work to do and saw Sander who was sewing… his trousers. I knitted my forehead when I saw him crying.
“Sander?” His eyes widened as he looked up to meet my eyes. Then he immediately hid the trousers he was sewing. “What are you doing, sweetheart?” I asked and approached him to wipe the tears from his eyes. “Why are you crying?” I asked softly.
He didn’t answer. He looked away, feeling guilty.
I sighed, knowing what could have been. “Did you fight with the neighbor’s kids again?” Sander bit his lower lip and silenced for a moment before he nodded. “You ripped your trousers again because you transformed to your wolf form?” Another nod. “Why did you fight them again, little man?” I asked softly, coercing him to look at me.
Sander was on the verge of crying when he looked at me. I smiled gently, urging him to tell me. He started sniffing and hugged me.
“Mama…” he sobbed.
“Now, now… What is it, little man?” I gently caressed his hair.
“They teased me again that I do not have a father…”
I stiffened as my eyes widened. Did they tease him again? I hugged my son, wanting to comfort him. “Don’t listen to them. You are finer without a father, Sander.” I felt my blood boil all of a sudden.
Every time I would think of Desmond, I couldn’t help feeling anger towards him. No matter if seven years had already passed, I couldn’t wash away how he betrayed me twice.
“But… is Papa dead, Mama?” I secretly gritted my teeth at Sander’s question.
That would be difficult for me to answer. I do not want to lie in front of him but this part was necessary.
“To me, he is dead, Sander,” I said as I smiled bitterly.
“Huh?” He blinked. “D-Do you hate Papa, Mama?” I didn’t answer. I only kissed his forehead to divert his question.
“I shall prepare our supper. You can stop now. I’ll continue sewing your trousers,” I said, going to the kitchen.
“Mama.” I sighed as I knew that Sander wouldn’t drop this topic. “Did… Papa hurt you?”
“Sander.” I looked at him with an earnest gaze. “Please. Not a word about your father. Can you?”
He was about to open his mouth to say something but I only looked at him, warning him. Sander closed his mouth and nodded. “Yes, Mama…” With that, he returned to our quarters.
I suddenly felt bad that I had been acting like that to Sander. I couldn’t help feeling bitter whenever he was mentioning about his father. I didn’t even want to discuss it but I knew that Sander had the right to know about who his father was.
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I was still not ready to tell him about Desmond. I wanted to tell him when I already moved from the past. I didn’t want to feel enraged if I happened to start telling him about Desmond. I would feel bad if I didn’t control my emotions and I lashed out at Sander.
I don’t want that to happen.
Sighing, I must apologize to my son later. I didn’t want to act like that.
“I’m sorry, Sander…” I murmured.