#4—Chapter 15
Forgotten Memories Part 2
I cast my eyes to the necklace in my hand, memories of Giovanni kissing me and making love to me flashing through my mind. There were small fragments within those flashes of memories when I remembered the deep baritone of his voice, whispering words of love and affection in my ear, and of a twin dragon necklace and his little friend Jennifer. My heart ached whenever I heard those words because I thought I wasn’t her, but now…now…
“Mel, am I really Jennifer, Giovanni’s little friend, Jennifer?” I cried out, needing to ask for reassurance. I didn’t want to believe this. This was too good to be true.
Amelia nodded, tears streaming down her face. “Yes, Giovanni was your best friend from fourteen years ago.”
I collapsed into my hands, crying my heart out, until I could feel my sister’s arms wrapping around my shoulders, hugging me, comforting me. And I lunged into her and cried my eyes out.
Oh, God. All this time. All this time. How could I have forgotten him? How could I have forgotten all of our memories together. He’d told me the truth. He’d recognized me way before I knew it myself.
“He remembered me, Mel,” I muffled into her shoulder. “Giovanni remembered me. He tells me every day that he loves me, that I’m his precious Jennifer. But it was me, Mel. I didn’t believe him because I didn’t want to believe in something I have no recollection of.”
“Just because you don’t remember it doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
“Giovanni said the same thing. He said the same thing.” I sobbed, the pain and relief causing the tears to continue flowing. “I’m so stupid, Mel. I’m so stupid. Why didn’t I believe him?”
“Don’t say that to yourself, Jen. You’re not stupid. If anyone was at fault, it would be me. Jen, do you hate me? I made you like this. If I didn’t take that necklace from you that night, then none of this would have happened. You would have remembered Giovanni, and Ma would be alive. Jen, I’m so sorry for destroying your life. I’m so sorry for-”
“Stop it, Mel. Stop it.” I lashed out of her arms and stared straight into her face. She’d told me the truth, and now it was my turn to give her my verdict. “I don’t want to hear your apology anymore. I don’t care. It’s all in the past now. You’re my sister. My only relative in this world. I don’t care what you were like in the past. You are the most amazing person I know, and that’s all that matters now.”
“But, Jen…”
“No, Mel. Please stop. Stop hurting yourself. You’ve suffered enough already. God, what have you gone through? All these years, you kept it inside your heart because you were scared that if you told me, you’d hurt me. But you’re also hurting inside. It’s eating you alive, Mel. I can see it. Why didn’t you tell me this earlier? Why did you have to keep it all to yourself? Why couldn’t you share the burden with me? Why couldn’t you trust that I’m okay to take all of this in? Stop suffering by yourself, Mel. Please. I’m your sister.”
“Jen, why are you so kind? You should shout at me, hate me, for ruining your life, for making you lose your memory, for making you forget about Giovanni.” She sobbed into my shoulder.
I hugged her tight. “Why do you think I would hate you? We were kids back then, Mel. You were just a kid yourself. None of us wanted it to happen. It’s all in the past now. It can’t be changed. But what I know is this. You are the most selfless person I know.” I comforted her, just as much she had comforted me, both of us in each other’s arms, helping each other to heal the pain of the past. “You sacrificed everything for me. You are my guardian angel. You have watched over me; you have protected me. You looked after me. You cared for me. You taught me stuff. None of those things you said you did in the past could change my feelings I have for you now. You are the best sister I have, and I wouldn’t change my past for any of it. Mel, I love you. I could never hate you. So let’s leave the past in the past. Stop blaming yourself.”
Yes. The memory of the past was too painful to remember. It was better left forgotten. All that’s left now was the future. Me. Giovanni. And Amelia.
My trip down memory lane didn’t end there. Amelia took me to the park opposite the café. We walked with our arms linked until she stopped us in front of that beech tree, the tallest one in the park. And I knew what she wanted me to do. She wanted me to remember that feeling. Even if my memory could never be recovered, but some nostalgic feeling may still remain.
My hand reached out to touch the tree. I closed my eyes and felt that rough grainy bark underneath my skin. It felt familiar, a long-forgotten memory buried deep in the crevices of my subconscious. This was our tree, the tree where Giovanni and I first met.
“Jen, there’s one other thing you should know.” My sister’s voice pulled me out of my reverie.
“What is it?”
“It’s about Pa.”
The mention of Pa made me sad and frustrated.
“What about him?” There were so many revelations today, I couldn’t keep a grasp on all my emotions. “He sold us both to the mafia. If I weren’t so lucky, I would have ended up dead already, or even worse, sold in the black market.”
“Jen, please.” She squeezed my hand. “Don’t hate him. You can’t hate him. He’s our Pa.”
“You’re so nice, Mel. Why are you not mad at him for selling you off to Lorenzo?” I sighed, tears flowing from my eyes. “I don’t care for what he did to me, but I can’t forgive him for selling you off to Lorenzo. And it hurts me so bad to know what you’ve gone through, but you kept quiet about everything.”
“Jen. I’m sorry. When I’m ready, I’ll tell you. But please don’t hate Pa.”
“I don’t know, Mel,” I said, tired of it all. “I’m grown up now. I can decide who I like or dislike.”Belonging to NôvelDrama.Org.
“Jen, you don’t really mean that.”
I didn’t respond and just held a faraway look.
Amelia took something out of her bag and slid it into my hand.
“It’s a letter from Pa,” she said. “It was mailed to me a month ago. When the house was put on the market, Lorenzo’s team had found it and given it to me. It’s addressed to you. I think you should read it. You’ll understand why he did that to us.”
“Why? So that we know the reason why he sold his daughters off to the mafia, is that it?”
“Jen, don’t be like that, please. If you’re angry, just shout it out. I get scared when you act like this.”
“What do you want me to act like? After hoping that Pa would come to bail me out during those initial weeks of staying with Giovanni as his maid, I had feelings of hope. But that hope soon turned to despair. And now that I have known how much you have suffered because Pa did the same thing to you, that despair got transformed into resentment. I resent him, Mel, for not protecting you. I resent him, Mel, for selling you to Lorenzo. And in a way, I resent him too, for sending me off to Giovanni. Although we both fell in love and are happy now, would our love life be different if we were to meet under different circumstances?”
“Jen. I understand how you’re feeling. But you have to understand why he did it. Read the letter. Please. You’ll know what I mean.”
“I’ll read it later,” I said, shoving the letter into my pocket.
The sky was clouding up, a nasty storm brewing.
“Let’s go home,” Amelia said.
“You go home first,” I told her. “I’m going to stay here for a bit longer.”
“I’ll have Finnie wait with you.”
“No. Finnie can take you home. I’ll take a taxi when I’m ready.”
“Please don’t be too long.” She squeezed my hand and walked off.
I didn’t move from my spot. I watched her as she got into the black car. I watched her as Finnie closed the door and got into the front seat. I was still standing there watching her until the car moved out of view.
I sighed. The world had changed so much, but at the end of the day, everything revolved back to the same place. History was repeating itself again. Fourteen years ago, I was sitting under this beech tree waiting for Giovanni. Fourteen years ago, he’d given me this necklace. And now fourteen years later, I was back here. Despite having no memory of the past, I was still here, under this same beech tree, with that necklace in my hand.
I sighed, thinking now would be the best time to read that letter from Pa. If I didn’t read it now, I didn’t think I would have the guts to read it anywhere else. I took the letter out of my pocket and started reading.
To my sweet daughter Jenny,
Pa is sorry for having to do this to you. I know you hate me for what I’ve done to you. But there was no other way out. When you were younger, I was in a huge debt. There was the mortgage on the house, and on top of that, your mom’s café wasn’t making money. Then after that accident that took your mom’s life and your memory, everything just got worse.
Sweetheart, your sister and I went to see you every day at the hospital, hoping you’d wake up. But the more days passed, the more I got scared that you wouldn’t ever wake up. They said you were in a coma and didn’t know when you would recover. They said you needed special attention and that if we didn’t move you to private care, we’d lose you.
Sweetheart, you were on a life machine. They were feeding you through tubes. I did all I could to save you, but it was so hard. Life was so unbearable without your mother. The one woman I loved most just lost her life and the daughter I loved was in a coma.
But life got even worse when the bills started rolling in. I worked all day and night, but the money was just never enough. Amelia’s school uniforms, your hospital bills, the house mortgage. Everything was just too much, and I broke down.
I started drinking to escape the harsh reality. But I messed up. They fired me from my jobs. I had nothing left.
I was at my lowest point, Jenny. If Amelia hadn’t been there to stop me that day, I would have been gone already. But she had saved me in time. I told myself then that I had to be a good father from then on. If I were gone, my two children would be orphans.
So I tried to rebuild my life. I sought out loans from the bank, but they wouldn’t lend any to me. They said for a man with no job prospect, the risk of a loan was too high. I knew I had the skill and capability, but no one was willing to give me a chance. Until I met him.
His name was Mr. Lorenzo. Everyone called him Signor Lorenzo. When I told him our circumstances, he said he’d loan me the money. It was his money that had paid your hospital bills. It was his money that had supported Amelia’s education. I was so happy. Until I realized he was actually mafia.
Jenny, sweetheart, I was so scared. Mr. Lorenzo was a mafia leader, a crime boss. I didn’t want to get involved with the underground people. So we ran away. To a new location. We had even started calling you Jenny instead of Jennifer. I had started taking out other loans to repay his loans, but it was never enough. The interest just kept on piling up. And then I heard about Signor Dente. I was skeptical of him at first. I heard he was also a mafia boss, but people said he doesn’t deal with mafia stuff and he was reformed. People said he was a good man and that if I were to go to him, he’d help us.
And he did help us. Because as soon as he saw you, he said he wanted to sponsor you, without any repayment in return. He said he liked you the very first moment he saw you. He said if he were to have a daughter, he wanted one just like you, a smart and cheerful young lady.
So it was his money that had fed us all. And it was also his money that has freed us from the Lorenzo gang. But I didn’t realize there were still outstanding loans with them. Until that fateful day three months ago. They came barging into our house, demanding for us to pay them back. Four million dollars, they said. If I didn’t pay them, they would kill me. But your sister sacrificed herself for me. For us.
She was taken away by them, the Lorenzo gang. I was scared that if they found out I had another daughter, you, then they would take you, too. That’s why I sent you that message to come home. That was why I crafted that fake letter so you could go to Signor Dente.
Although we had both lost touch, I know Signor Dente was a good man. If I mentioned your name, ‘Jenny,’ and ‘three-million-dollar collateral,’ as key words in the letter, he’d know that it’s you, the little girl who he’d helped support. This was our secret code. Three million dollars, because that was how much he’d given you and supported you throughout your life.
I hope by reading this letter that you will have some closure and perhaps come to understand a bit about my feelings. I hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me for not explaining anything and just disappearing out of your life. I just hope both you and your sister can reunite one day. Even if her fate is far graver than yours, I just hope that one day both you and your sister can live in a happy world again. Don’t worry about me. I’m in a safe place here. I have decided to stay here and atone for all my sins. One day, when I have the will to forget myself for putting you both through this harsh life, I will return to you both. Until then, I hope you will forgive me.
I love you.
From Pa, Warren.
I slid down the length of the tree and cradled myself into a fetal position, the letter hanging lifeless from my hand. Everything was over now. All the mystery in my life had been revealed. Now there was nothing left but a feeling of emptiness and regret in my heart, regret for all the past I’d lost, regret for all things I’d said to the people I love.
I’m sorry, Pa. I don’t hate you. I love you. Please come home.
I’m sorry, Gio, for not remembering you. I love you. Please come back to me.
I took my mobile phone and sent Giovanni a message. I waited, watching the first drop of rain descending from the sky, mixing in with my tears as they rolled down my face.