Chapter 33 Smith
She grinned and nodded. “Yes, please. No Sex on the Beach, though. Shot and a beer for me.”
We made our way back to the bar and I placed our drink order. While we waited, she sent me a grin that lit up the room.
“This was a great idea. I’m having a blast. Remember the night of my birthday, when we first got here we did that trivia contest? And Cullen made our team name Multiple Scorgasms?”
I laughed out loud at the memory. “That was awesome. And to be fair, we did crush it that night.”
“We did. I think that was the last time I got to hang out with Pam. How is she doing?”
Thinking of my sister made me realize I hadn’t shared the news yet. “Actually, she’s pregnant again.”
Evie stared at me before clapping a hand over her mouth. “For real? Holy shit, she’s amazing. I don’t know how she does it all. When I have kids, I think I’m going to need to . . . Never mind.” She stopped short and blushed before taking a swallow of the beer the bartender had set in front of her.
“You’re allowed to talk about the future and the things you want in life, Evie,” I said gently.
Maybe our whole talk about being casual had made her afraid to talk to me about anything serious. That was a mistake. While I wanted to take things slow, it had become glaringly obvious in the past weeks that this was as serious as things had ever gotten for me.
“I didn’t want you to think because I want kids one day that meant I expected them to be yours or whatever,” she said, finally meeting my gaze.
The vulnerability in her eyes made me ache for her, and I leaned in and pressed my forehead against hers.Content © provided by NôvelDrama.Org.
“I know that. And I’m not sure how this is all going to turn out, but I can tell you this. Thinking of you with someone else’s babies makes me want to break shit. And if that’s not casual, then too fucking bad.”
Her grin was tremulous, and she traced a fingertip over my mouth. “Yeah. Too fucking bad.”
This was deep. Deeper than we’d gone so far, and part of me wanted to pull back.
Opening up about shit like this had always been a bone of contention between my ex and me. Talking about kids and the future had been terrifying. What if I was like my own father and found out that, once I had a kid, I didn’t want to be a parent anymore? What if I was shitty at it, like my mother, and opted out when things got hard?
Time and time again, Karen had pressed. And time and time again, it had felt like an invasion of privacy. Eventually it became a no-fly zone, and we’d drifted apart with nothing real to sustain us.
But with Evie, even as I was about to change the subject and make a joke out of sheer habit, something stopped me. This didn’t feel like an invasion at all. It felt right. Like getting something off my chest that had been sitting there like a weight for a very long time.
I cupped the back of her head and touched my lips gently to hers in the softest of kisses. For a long time, we stayed like that, breathing in sync, just holding each other, and damn if it didn’t feel good.
I was falling, and I was falling hard. I could only hope Evie felt the same and that, soon enough, we’d come up with a way to tell her brother.
A way that wouldn’t drive us all apart and ruin everything.