The Wicked Mrs. Gastrell (English version)

For Cholo Gastrell,

I’m not sure if you’ll ever get your hands on or read this Cholo but I’m just taking a chance. After all, this is the last thing you’ll ever get from me.

I’m sorry for not being able to say goodbye to you. Please don’t think that I left you. Yes, I’ll admit that I thought about it at first but I immediately took it back because I couldn’t leave you. I’m just stuck. I can not do anything. I’m just a humble girl. They can torture me, humiliate me, and kill me.

Maybe you already have an idea that I already have feelings for you. I know that I am not good at hiding my feelings. I love you, Cholo. I hope you believe and accept my love even for a second. I don’t even have anyone else to compare my feelings to but I know myself that I love you. I love you so much even though you’ve completely abandoned me, even though you didn’t even bother to give me a glance as if someone like me doesn’t deserve to talk to you.

I was hurt a lot then. But did that reduce my love for you? Not even a little because you gave me a wonderful gift that changed my life forever.

Maybe you are now asking why I even wrote this. He is the reason. Our son is the reason why I want to introduce him to you. His name is Errol. Honestly, I can’t talk about him anymore because the wounds are still very fresh, but I will do it for you. He is your son. Don’t deny it, please. You look exactly like our son. Handsome, white, very pointed nose. He got everything he had from you. I have pictures to keep with this letter so you know I’m not lying.

You know, I really plan to introduce him to you personally just like dad and Diego but they all took them from me. I buried him earlier. Cholo, I have nothing left. They are all gone. They left me. They left again. There is nothing left for me.

Maybe you’ll think I’m a coward because of what I’m going to do. I will give up everything including my life but Cholo, they are my life. My life revolved around them. When dad and Diego were gone, I felt like I was going to die, but Errol came to me. He colored my life. He gave me hope so now that he’s gone, it’s like I died too. Everything is useless. I can’t go on any longer, so I’m sorry if I can’t give this letter personally to you.

I’m sorry Cholo because I can’t do it anymore. The pain is too much. I can’t bear the weight anymore. I can’t live like this anymore. The pain is unbearable. This is better. I don’t want to live anymore. I will follow our son.

I just ask that you visit our graves. If it’s not too much, maybe you can bring us flowers. I hope you will talk to us at least for a few moments. That is if you can read this. I hope they find this letter and give it to you for our last contact even after I’m gone.

Thank you for even in the little time we spent together, you made me feel valued. You showed me a world so far from what I was used to. For the first time in my life, I was free for a moment with you. You were just a dream then. I only looked at you before, so now, I can’t believe that I talked to you. You treated me as no different from you, took care of me, and provided for my needs.

I hope you don’t forget us, okay? I want to live in your memory at least in a few of our meetings. I hope you remember me when you go home to Cerro Roca. Say hello to my friends. Say hello to everyone even if it’s just in a quiet way.

I would like to see you more but I know it’s too late so I’ll just say my last goodbye here.All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

I hope that the next time we meet, fate will not be so cruel to us. I hope if there is a next life I will be born into a complete and happy family. I hope that if that happens, our status in life will be equal so that I can be free to love you.

I love you, Cholo.

Goodbye

I wiped away my tears before carefully folding the paper that had turned yellow with the passage of time. There are still traces of dry tears on its pages. I put it back in the container and looked up at the bed where my wife was sleeping soundly. This is the second time I’ve read it since Zen gave it to me the night I found out.

He told me about how he found the letter stashed on a wallet of Karina with my stolen picture and Errol’s pictures after she unsuccessfully committed suicide after our son’s death.

Fortunately, she was saved by Zen and my friend Maverick, who I just found out was related to Karina. He knows from the very start about the Karina I am talking about during our drunken sessions.

That fact alone hardened my decision to not go after Karina. That’s also the reason why I gave the annulment she wanted even though I knew in myself that I could never love another again. I know I will be alone forever the moment I sign those papers. I have accepted that so I just started living my life like that.

I thought to myself what a lucky bastard I am for her to still go back to me. And for that, I will make sure to always make her happy until my last breath.

“As you know, Karina is an Alcantara. We have been looking for her for a long time since we found out we have a sister. Our mothers are different but I loved and considered Karina as my true sister. I could have easily taken her away from you but I didn’t. I let her be. I gave her the freedom. My sister, Cholo, went through hell because of you but I will forget that because she chose and loves you. So I hope you will make her feel the all good things in this world, Gastrell. Make her cry at least once again in this lifetime and you’ll know what will become of you. I will align you and your whole family with the Asturians.”

I didn’t budge from being punched so hard and slumped at the end of the boxing ring and met the cold eyes of my brother-in-law.

“You can count on me, Zen. If ever I’ve done something silly to make her cry again, I’m giving you the right to kill me.”

I stood up from the floor to lie beside my wife who immediately hugged me. I kissed his head and stared at her peaceful sleeping state.

“I will make myself deserving of you, wife.”

I hugged her very tightly and kissed her forehead for a long time.

“I love you,” I whispered in her ear.

“Love you,” she involuntarily replied.

I smiled and closed my eyes. We still have many battles to face. The case is still ongoing and the war between the clans of the Alcantaras and the Asturias are rapidly escalating. Karina is one of those who can be most affected so I will do everything to protect her and our love.

END

***

Author’s Note:

And we have come again to the end of another story my dear readers. I hope that you have enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

See you again and thank you for your heartwarming comments and responses. Please share this story so others may be able to read it too. Thank you so much!